This I Believe Essay

This I believe: exclusion is real, it hurts, and if you aren't looking, you don't see it.

For instance, there's this girl. I've seen her sitting silently at her lunch table, alone, for ages. I've watched her sit there, with her head down, picking at her food, reading a book, and simply staring into space. The day I finally met her, I was scanning the lunch room, looking for my friends, and something caught my eye. Our lunch room is a sea of happy laughter, noise, color, and contented people. In a way, that joy is what made this scene so devastating.

 Because one table didn't have people swarming over it, trading dumb secrets. One table wasn't filled with laughter and shouts.

At one table, a small girl sat alone.

I went to that table and slowly sat in a chair by the girl. She looked up, surprised. I opened my lunch box, feeling awkward. Finally, I worked up the nerve to speak.

"Hi. What's your name?"

Her lips barely moved as she answered, "Madison."

Despite my best efforts, we exchanged only a few words that lunch period. I don't know why she's quiet, but I have a hunch: looks. Her hair is straight and black, not blonde and curled. Her gut curves out, not in, and her face is plain and splotchy, not caked in make-up. For this, she sits alone.

 Our school is full of people like that. People who were silently and unanimously deemed somehow,‘ugly’, or ‘annoying’, or ‘dumb.’

 There's a saying: 'You never feel lonelier than when in a crowd'. I can tell you that's true. It's one thing to be alone in a place where everyone around you is also uncomfortable. But it's another thing entirely to be alone in a crowd, surrounded by laughs, shouts, and songs. You walk alone, with “best friends” all around you, and feel a little guilty, thinking, 'What am I doing wrong? Where are my friends?'

 To anyone who has ever thought that way, I say this: you are doing nothing wrong. You are perfect just the way you are. A friend who understands will come. I promise.

To the un-lonely, remember: Everyone wants to be included, to be a part of something bigger than themselves. It is a basic part of human nature to want to be with others who think and feel like you do. When you walk past the boy in the corner, or skip your eyes over the girl on the edge of the group, you are keeping people from that joy.

There's no excuse for ignoring people who need you. The number one way to get out of your own problems is to help someone else with theirs. Look for those excluded people. They are everywhere; they need you.

 I believe that if people, in middle school and everywhere, would look for the excluded people and include them, the world would be a better place.

 This I believe.

Dead- Talker (draft)

 I used to be the daughter of a popular computer designer. (Well, I guess I'm still technically his daughter, but I don't feel like I am.) We were rich. Very rich. Our house was huge, and I could afford any toy I wanted. I knew lots of people at school, most of whom pretended to be my friend. I was happy.
 As I was growing up, my parents saw strange things right away. At a young age, I developed the strange habit of always dipping my long, pale blond hair in water. Any water. I would sit at lunch, soaking my locks in my drinking glass, or suddenly fall down on the sidewalk to dip it in a puddle. I spent hours in the bathroom, leaning over the sink. Whenever someone tried to pull me away from a water source, I cried.
 On a few occasions, my parents went to get my hair cut. It was all snipped off, until only an inch or two long. But my hair grows quickly, and it was only a matter of time before I could do it again. My parents tried everything to get me to stop, but I always found a way.
 That wasn't the strangest part, though. Whenever my hair was wet, I talked, seemingly to myself. I always looked up, as if talking to someone that no one else could see. I babbled about anything and everything- the weather, my other friends, and later, books I had read.
 By far the oddest part, though, was the way I talked. All the kids my age used text-speak like LOL, OMG, and BFF. If there wasn't a common acronym for what they were trying to say, they used short words like like 'cuz, sure, no. But when I talked to my 'imaginary' friend, I used old words like 'because', 'friendly', and 'predict'. I sounded like a grandmother.
 Of course, I used normal words when talking to everyone else. But when I talked to my friend, I talked old-fashioned.
 (His name is Richard, by the way.)
 When I turned eleven and was still doing this, perhaps even more than ever, my parents decided something was seriously wrong. They took my to a witch-seer, which is sorta like a psychic, only more for children. Her name was Dr. Sydney, and she was a professional Wizard, one of the best in town.
 She met with me for and hour at a time every Thursday for several weeks. Finally, she found the awful truth.
 I wasn't there when she told my parents, but I can imagine it. She would go into the waiting room with that fake-nice expression she always wore, holding that plain, wooden clip-board. She would take a soft breath, then let the news fly.
 "Your daughter is a Dead-Talker."
 My parents would sit there, dumbfounded. Then my father would try to debate, try to reason why it couldn't be so, while my mother simply cried.
 Dead-Talkers are dangerous. Everyone knows that. They are murderers, they start wars. At least, that's what the president says. So there was only one thing to do.
 They put me in a tower.
All I have so far...

Alien Audience (draft)

 As I stand in the dark room, ready to meet my audience, my palms begin to sweat. I wonder how the creatures outside the steel door will interpret this body function.
 I stand in the holding chamber almost completely naked. None of the aliens here wear clothing, so they thought it would be distracting for me to wear it. I was totally freaked out at first, but after five days of interacting with them, no one's said anything or even looked at my body that much, so I've kinda gotten used to it.
 The only thing I am wearing is a name tag, hanging from a string just like the ones at home. In big letters, printed on electronic sheets that automatically translate to whatever language the alien looking at it speaks, it says 'The Pleader From Earth'. Below that, it says my name. Emma White.
 The people (for a while I wouldn't call them people, but now I think that's the best word to use,) who live on this space station are fair. They sent multiple, easy-to-decode messages simply stating that they had conducted a survey of our nations and decided that we would better serve our galaxy as food sources than intelligent beings. They declared that one representative from our species could be sent to persuade them otherwise. We had five years to find our speaker. Nearly every government on Earth got this message. Some chose to share it with their citizens, but most hid it. Those who made the information public fell into chaos almost overnight.
 China had a pretty good take on the matter, I think. They sent out several tests; I.Q. tests, public speaking tests, and mental well-being tests. Every citizen had to take them. No one had a clue what it was for. The winner was some rocket scientist, I think.
 Soon, America followed China's example and used similar tests. Of all the hundreds of millions, I got the highest score. Me. A high-school girl. True, I take AP everything and have straight A's, but still, I couldn't believe that I  turned out smarter than even the workers at NASA, or collage professors.
 Seven months after the tests were graded, me, the Chinese scientist, and eight other candidates met via a video chat. We were each stationed in the capitol of our home country. We each took a new round of harder tests, and went head-to-head in games like chess, and debates.
 It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I won. I turned out to be the smartest person in the world.
 Now, there was four years and five months left before the aliens would take me away. I spent that time flying around the world, seeing everything from the Great Wall to the Hubble space craft to the Mona Lisa. No expense was spared on my education. Everyone knew that the future of Earth depended on me knowing our best points.
 And then the time came. The aliens sent a message saying they refused to land on Earth, so I flew to the moon. They said no one could see their ship from the outside. It was hard, but we complied. I was asleep when they came.
 I woke up on a big, comfy bed. To my surprise, my room had thick carpet, painted walls, and a plain, wooden door. Nothing futuristic about it at all. I shouldn't have been surprised- I knew they were watching us.
 I met a lot of aliens over the next few days. Some were humanoid. Some weren't. Some were microscopic  yet still incredibly intelligent. Others were made of electricity or gravity instead of cells.
 The whole time, I was careful never to say anything was impossible, or that I didn't believe it. I wanted to seem as open-minded as possible. That was hard when I saw some things, like a species that had more than five genders needed to make an offspring, or a computer that could read minds, but I used to read a lot of fantasy and sci-fy. Nothing was impossible to me.
 I took constant mental notes, thinking of what I would say when it was my time to speak in front of so many important aliens. I tried not to think too hard about it, though. I was afraid I would totally freak out.
 And now it's time. I take a shuddering breath as I realize that more responsibility is on my shoulders now that has ever been on the shoulders of any human in history. Billions of lives are in my hands.
 The doors slide open and I walk out onto a circular stage. Sitting, hovering, or placed all around me are the representatives of all the known intelligent species. Some of them have traveled hundreds of light-years to listen to me.
 I have no time limit. I could talk for days if I had enough words. I smile and begin to talk.
 "Creatures of the Council. I am deeply grateful for the chance you've given me to speak in front of you today. I have seen things I have never dreamed possible. Thank you so much for bringing me here."
 Okay. Time to get down to business.
 "I have learned that, a few Center-Years," (the Center is the barren planet almost exactly in the middle of the planets with life. It is used as a universal time-piece.) "Ago you gathered and decided that humans are too war-prone, dumb, and sense-less to contribute to the Council. I am here to tell you this simply isn't true. "
 I look around, wondering if any of this is getting through.
 "Recently, I have learned much about what your culture has accomplished. I have realized a few facts that I think speak in Earth's favor."
 "For one thing, life on Earth has only been evolving for 2 billion years. Many forms of life represented here have been in the works for more that four times that. It simply isn't fair to expect us to be at the same stages as you."
 One alien, a wrinkly old thing, only a few feet tall, with no face that I can see, stands up. It begins to speak. All the aliens here seem to speak English. Whether they all learned the language for my visit, or if they installed a translator while I slept, I'm not sure. Both seem possible.
 The short alien seems to be laughing.
 "Do you think we are unaware of this? We simply do not have the resources to wait billions of year for your kind to catch up. Unless you have something better to say, perhaps we should make you the first human to die."
 I do my best to keep calm. I do, in fact, have a much better point. I think it's time I jump to it.
 "I have spent a large amount of my time here reading your literature. There is a huge amount of scientific writing. There are even some religious texts. I have noticed one large difference between your writings and ours."
 "Never, in your endless catalog of texts, did I see someone thinking more than three decades in advance. Your authors speak of the next day, or the next year, but never so far ahead. Any progress you have made has been prompted by events at that time, or has been entirely for the present. You have done a great deal of watching us on Earth in our daily lifes, but I don't think you have taken the time to read much of our books."
 "There is a huge theme in our literature of looking forward, especially in recent years. Whether in politics, religion, or science, we are almost always looking hundreds of years in the future. Like I have said, I have seen many wonders in my time here. But I have seen nothing that hasn't already been imagined by our authors. Not the science, not the life forms, not the computers. I cannot argue that we are as advanced as you. But I can say, with conviction, that we are ready to be as advanced as you. Our minds have been prepared to witness these things."
 "Even now, your people have few plans for the future. You know that some day, the stars will run out of hydrogen, and that the Universe will go cold, but you have few ideas on how to prevent or survive this. If you bring humans into your society, then we can help you discover solutions."
 The same short alien stands again. I'm starting to think he's in charge here.
 "How can you suggest such a thing? Your kind's technology is miles behind ours."
 That's all I've got at the moment...

Too Healthy (Draft)

 I was eleven years old. My only crime was being too healthy.
 I remember that day clearly. I was out in the light of the heat lamps, getting dirty and playing an old game called soccer. We played it on an empty, abandoned, dirty lot. It used to be used for planting food, but because the city has been growing so fast, it got too polluted to use. We kids adopted the muddy ground as our play yard. The huge crowds that persisted throught the city left almost no ground unused, but the adults never stepped onto our field while we were playing. They wanted us to have something, even if it was only a few square yards of dirt.
 That day, I was playing harder than normal. I think it may have been because I was mad. My care mother had been degraded in her work position that last night, so our living conditions would be getting even worse.
 For whatever reason, I was dribbling circles around the other kids. Of course, it helped that I'm lucky enough to have two legs about the same length. Many of the kids on that 'field' walked with a waddle, because that was their defect. Don't get me wrong, I've got my own defects. For example, I can't smell or taste at all. Although, based on how my family reacts to our rations, that might be a blessing.
 My biggest defect by far is my right arm. It's shrunk, just barely a joint and a hand. Needless to say, I'm left-handed.
 That evening, I was so intent on winning goal after goal, so glad from feeling that, for once in my life, I was detached from my problems, that I didn't even notice that Seekers were watching our game, standing in the shade with arms crossed.
 Seekers are strange, scary things. No one knows where they come from, but it's clear they weren't made around here. For one thing, as far as anyone can tell, every single one of them can move easily, talk, see, hear, taste, and smell. More than that, their left arm is always the same length as their right arm; same with their legs. And they have so much hair, it would take much, much more than a half hour to count them. They're perfect. It's unnatural. We're pretty sure they're human, since they eat and can be hurt, but not in the normal sense. Rumors float around that they aren't even made in test tubes, but that's ridiculous. How else would they be created?
 One Seeker walked up to me and looked me up and down. I froze from fear, letting the ball roll away. They other kids continued the game, ignoring me. I couldn't hear what he said, because he stood on the side of my body that doesn't have an ear. But I have no doubt that it was horrible, and probably had something to do with meeting his quota for the month.
His hand shot out on an unnaturally straight arm, with crazy clean fingernails. He reached for my neck, wanting to snatch me. His fingers brushed my shirt, the one that everyone told me was the color brown. I only see black and white and grey, so I just take their word for it. As he touched my back, the lessons from my elders, heard since the day I was created, suddenly kicked in. I bolted. I slipped out of his grip, turned, and ran. The thick crowd of slow-moving people that began at the edge of the playing field moved to let me through, a sign that they were silently rooting for me. I got several blocks before the Seeker caught me. That's farther than most people get. Like I said, I've always been a lot faster than most. As I ran, I saw several of the surrounding crowd watching me. They stayed silent for fear that they would be taken as well, but I knew, on the inside, they were cheering. They hoped that the impossible would happen, and that I would get away.
 In this block, on the first five levels, someone gets caught about once every week. It's a part of life, always has been, but no one likes it. The Seekers constantly pace the streets, supposedly searching for someone not following a Rule. We all know the real reason, though. It's so they can put us to use in their shows and games, whatever they are.
 As I ran, these thoughts flew through my head, along with many others. Like, how could I be so stupid? Sure, Seekers rarely patrol this lane, but what does care Father always say? 'Keep one eye on yourself and the other on the Seekers. When they come, run.' Well, I had kept both eyes on myself, I had run too late, and now I would have to pay.
 Before long, I felt a iron-cold grip wrap itself around my bigger arm. My feet kept going, and I crashed to the ground. The Seeker yanked me backwards, and dragged me along the halls for what seemed like forever. I screwed my eyes shut, not wanting to see the people turning their backs on me, moving on and telling themselves that they shouldn't care. I could still hear them, though, pushing and shoving for a little breathing room. Finally, the Seeker brought me to the tubes. The tubes are several metal openings in the wall and floor, each one about a foot away from the other. There are several tube stations around, about one every five blocks. (A block is about seven yards, by the way.) At each station there are five tubes: one for food, one for water, one for waste, and one for medicine. These tubes are always being used by someone, with long lines of people waiting, but when they saw the Seeker coming, with me in hand, they quickly moved aside so we could use the final, most rarely-used tube. The knock-out gas. He put my mouth over the tube, all business. Then he pulled a handle. For a split second, I heard a hissing sound, and then the world went dark.


 I woke slowly. I think my eyes were open for a long time before I finally realized where I was. I was in a cell.
 I pushed myself up with my left arm and looked around in dismay. Once I got over the fact that I was in captivity, I quickly saw that two sides of my long, rectangular room were solid, plain cement. Another one had a tube station, (despite the situation, I felt a little thrill at having a station all to myself). The last one was glass, or something like it, looking out on a white hallway. Well, at least it looked white to me. It may have been any light color. On the other side was a blank, uninteresting wall.
 Slowly, I stood up to take better inventory of myself and the size of my room. As far as I could tell, I wasn't additionally injured. I wore what looked like a dark grey jumpsuit, (based on stories I've heard about these places, it was the color of blood,) and it had a number on it. I recognized it at once- 7843-9b. It was my identification number, the closest I've ever had to a name.
 The room was just tall enough that I could stand at my full four feet. Another inch lower and I would've had to slouch. I began to pace, and found that the room was two steps by four steps, with the shorter sides being the window and the tubes. I looked closer at the tubes and saw that there were no buttons to activate them. When food and water came, it would be on it's own schedule.
 Finally, there was nothing left to do, so I sat down again. I began to wait.
 A few minutes later, food ran out of one of the pipes. I scooped it up off the floor where it fell and carefully sucked it up. The mush was a little thicker than the food we got at home. I idly wondered if it tasted better or worse.
 Just when I was done with the food, I heard voices. I scrambled to the back of my small room, away from the glass. I was scared. Even so, I turned my one ear so that I could hear.
 It was two voices, belonging to girls. I tilted my head in curiosity. I didn't know there were female Seekers.
 As they came closer down the light-colored hall, I made out their conversation.
 "...Dollars says I can make one go suicidal before you can."
 "Make it fifty."
 "You're on!"
 They passed in front of my window, and I got a brief look at them. It's hard to tell with Seekers, but I think they were just a bit older than me. They didn't even glance in my direction, just looked right at each other, making large hand movements as they walked. They were just as perfect and strange as all the Seekers I had seen before, with even more hair that usual. It reached past their shoulders! They wore the same basic design of jumpsuit that I had, only on the front of theirs there were letters instead of numbers. They walked too fast for me to see if they made real words. Their conversation continued as they walked away.
 "Speaking of suicidal, did you watch that one tutorial?"
 "The one that went viral where the master trainer made one

 of 'em kill itself in five minutes? Yeah! Wasn't it awesome? My favorite part was when he used pictures from it's childhood..."
 They must have turned a corner, because they suddenly became too quiet for me to hear.
 As I sat there with my back against the wall, my fear of Seekers began to grow. They were tossing suicide around like it was no big deal! I imagined one of them saying to the other,
 "So, I killed like, five people yesterday. Pass the drinking water?"
I wondered what they had forced to death, and felt a pit in my stomach when I realized.
 People like me. It was their favorite game to kill people just like me.

I think I spent about two days in that small room. I learned that the food came out about twice a day, and I began to expect it. The water tube beeped before the water came out, so I had a chance to get my mouth under it before the water flowed out and seeped into the hard floor. How thoughtful.
 Seekers passed my window several times a day. They were usually kids, around my age. I saw girls and boys. Usually they didn't even look my way, and were talking about things that were either unimportant or I didn't understand. But there were a few exceptions.
 The first unusual visit came on the second day. A lone boy walked down the hall. He walked slowly- I could tell from his footsteps- and when he came to my window, he stopped and faced me square on. I couldn't decide whether to look him in the eye or stare at my feet. My gaze finally came to a rest on his neck, which I think was a pretty good compromise. He had short hair and was tall and thin. He looked me up and down, a little like someone sizing up their opponent, only where such a person would have a look of respect, he only had dislike.
 He began to talk, as if to himself.
 "Yes, it looks strong enough. I'll see if it works. Stand."
 This last word was directed at me, as an order. I didn't want to stand. I wanted to say there, in my corner, where I had been for so long. Where I felt safe. But I suddenly knew there was no option. With every fiber of my body wanting to sit, I stood. I blinked in confusion. He nodded, liking what he saw.
 "Turn."
 My feet shuffled around, turning me, without any signal from my brain. It was like they were possessed and  working on their own.
 He continued to nod, then simply turned and walked away. As soon as he stopped looking at me, I stopped turning. Carefully, I took a step forward. Yes, I was back in control of my legs. But I was still pretty freaked out.
 On the third day, just when I began to think I would be there for a long, long, long time, a woman in a tight skirt wearing high-heels came to my door. She carried a thin rectangle of plastic. She waved it around in the air over my door, and the window slid into the wall. I slowly stood up. Was she letting me go?
 Nothing could be farther from the truth. She turned and started walking down the hall.
 "Follow me," She said coolly  Just like my encounter with the thin boy, I found myself unable to disobey  She walked away without looking back, and I was right on her heels.
 I took the time to take a look at the hall that had been out of my view. It looked like my cell wasn't the only one around. We passed lots of rooms, all identical to mine, as far as I could tell. They were so close together, I wondered how I hadn't heard anything through a wall so thin.
 Most of them were unoccupied  but some had people in them. The one right next to mine had a little girl, no older than three. My heart went out to her. She must be terrified.
 After seeing two more sad-looking people, I turned my head away. The other side of the hall was all blank, not a detail to be seen, so I turned forward and studied my captor.
 She had long straight hair, down all the way past her waist. Her high heels put her several heads above me. Did I mention? All the Seekers are really tall, too.
 Sound up ahead told me we were entering a bigger room. I leaned to look through the crook of her arm, and gasped when I saw it.
 I'd never seen anything like it. It was a huge space. I looked up and didn't see a roof. It disappeared behind a huge network of rope and wire and chain. 
 Huge bleachers circled the walls, and they looked fully capable of fitting more people than a block and ten levels contained. Thousands of people. In the center of the bleachers was a circle-shaped mat that looked about four blocks long.
 Still following the woman, I walked out onto the soft, squishy surface. It held my weight and bounced me back up. I decided that I liked this room. 
 Right now, there were only six people in this huge room: me, the woman I had followed, a young, nervous-looking man polishing his camera, (he was on the other side, I doubted he could hear us,) and a tall man in a dark suit, who looked very official and carried himself like a king. Behind him were the other two people. They weren't seekers, which surprised me. One was a tiny girl, so small it must have been her defect. She was standing firm on her own two feet, and that alone was proof she was stronger than most girls her size. Her wide eyes shifted about, taking in every detail. Every limb looked thin but intact. She was practically bald. Despite this, her huge, intelligent eyes made her pretty, in a way.
 The sixth and final occupant of the room was the polar opposite of the little girl. He towered like a mountain over the rest of us. His muscles were like rocks, and his stance was wide. The only defect that I could see was a lack of a left arm. One leg may have been a little shorter than the other, but I couldn't tell. In contrast to the girls smart eyes, his stared ahead like two beads set in stone.
 I turned my attention to the man in the suit and the woman I had followed. They were having a heated talk.
 When I tuned in, the man was talking.
 "This could be the opportunity of a lifetime for you! Think about it: a newly captured Scum, coming out of the blue, goes in a head-to-head against one of the greatest Scum fighters of all time."
 Here, he gestured to the two 'Scum' behind him. I noted that he called normal people Scum and wondered if that was a common term.
 He continued. "I, before the game, will order my Scum to throw the fight, but make it look good. They are perfectly capable of this. You'll be rich! You'll be famous! All I ask..."
 His voice became too low for me to hear, even just a few feet away. I let my eyes wander the room, and then saw something that made my stomach turn.
 In the center of the squishy mat, there was a dark stain. I thought nothing of it at first, but then, as my eyes continued to wander the room, it hit me.
 It was blood.
 The woman began speaking again.
 "You make a tempting deal. But how can I know the judges won't tell it's a thrown fight?"
 The man smiled madly.
 "You trust me, don't you?"
 She was silent for a long moment, staring into his eyes. Then she took a deep, shuddering breath, then whispered, "Yes. It's a deal."
 The man grinned. "Perfect. So, see you and your Scum at the death fights tomorrow?"
 She nodded mutely. She turned abruptly and nodded at me. She didn't look me in the eye, or even look at me at all. She just said, 'follow me,' and started walking. 





 "Seventyseven, you can't be serious about this," Eightythree said, in one last attempt to make me call off my experiment.
 "Of course I'm serious. I've been serious for months now. You think a measly drop of twenty stories is going to stop me?"
 I laughed, but Eightythree knows me too well.
 Eightythree and I grew up together. He has one eye, and no lips, but his body is very strong. At first, I only befriended him for his muscles, which I needed for my many plans. And I believe he only wanted something to do. But lately, we've become friends, laughing and talking about more than my experiments.
 This was the first idea in a long time that Eightythree hadn't been enthusiastic to carry out. He thought it was too dangerous for a little girl like me.
 "You don't have to do this. No one even knows you've been preparing. Just come down."
 I didn't respond. Instead, I walked across the roof until I reached the air vent. I reached into the pocket I'd sewn on the front of my shirt and pulled out a key card, snapped in half, that I'd found in a garbage pile. A Seeker must have discarded it after he broke it. It was amazingly wasteful of them, but I wasn't complaining; the edge of the key card made a near-perfect screw driver.
 I lifted the cover off the vent, and sighed with relief when I saw that my invention was still there.
 I called to Eightythree to come help me lift it out. It was awkward to get it out, even in three pieces.
 I laid out each piece on the cement roof before lashing them together. There were two wings and a harness. The wings were made from double layered sheets. Months ago, I'd reported that my sheets had been stolen, and they'd replaced them four months later. Eightythree did the same. Then we'd had four sheets. We'd decided to use three for the glider and sleep under one together.
 The many ropes, which lashed together the wings and made the harness, came from

Anouncment

 I've realized that I have a lot of work that I've never finished, so I haven't posted it on this blog. From now on, I will dig up un-finished drafts and post them, so I can start putting up work more often, hopefully once a week. 

I Did This For A Dialog Contest Entry

"Hey, what's up?"
"Nothing much- oh, hey, she's looking at a contest."
"What kind of contest?"
"An 'awesome dialog contest'."
"Oh no... you do realize how she'll interpret that, don't you?"
"Yeah. All dialog. No narrative."
 "This should be fun..."
 "Quack!"
"James, did you just say 'quack'?"
"No, that's a duck. Must have wandered in from the pond out back."
"OH MY GOSH IT'S A DUCK!"
"Okay, who was that?"
"My sister. She's in a duck fase."
"Qua-hisss!" 
"Let me guess. Your sister just tried to hug the duck."
"Right."
"Hey, how come you know what's going on, huh?"
"'Cause I'm the Main Character, so I've got access to the narrative. Duh."
"If you don't get off my lawn you hologans, I'm calling the cops!"
"Since when do you have an elderly neighbor?"
"Oh, that's just my dad's old tape, 'Old Men, the best of'."
"Ding-a-ling-a-ling!"
"Music box?"
"Close; ice cream truck."
 "Oh, I hate those." 
"BOOM!"
"Ahh! Was that a bomb?"
"No, stupid, that was a 'boom' box."
"You've brought a bag full of gold through Southbridge?"
"Well, not exactly. This is where you come in."
"I was sure I had a purpose here."
"This is henna and indigo, to dye your hair."
"Save some dances for me, your Highness."
"Okay, I'm lost."
"My best bet is she just opened up a random book and pulled out the dialog."
"Can she do that?"
"Apparently." 
"Quack!"
"Guys, this is weird. I just walked in your room to tell you dinners ready, and now we're, like, stuck in onomonopia land."
"................................................................................................."
"What was that?"
"She found another book, but it's a dictionary. No plot, no characters, no talking."
"BOOM!"
"Curse you, 'boom' box!"
"No, that one was actually a bomb."
"Oh. No wonder I just lost a limb. OWWWWWW!"
"Why, back in my day, our phones came out of the wall!"
 "The monkey thought it was all in fun! POP! Goes the weasel!"
"Those stupid ice cream trucks. SO annoying."
"I wonder how long she can keep this silliness up?"
"Quack-quackquack-QUACK, quack-quack."
"Not much longer. Look, she's reaching for the 'post reply' button.
"Thank Goodness! I would kill for a he said/she said."
"Wait, I don't think it's over yet. She needs one more sound effect..."
"CABOSH! WAP! RAT-TAT-TAT!"
"Or three more, as the case may be."